why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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