There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
