i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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