I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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