Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
