I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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