She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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