She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
