that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
