so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
