He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
