She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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