So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
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He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
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I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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