I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
