I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
