I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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