You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
