If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
