My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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