Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
3pm strippers are depressing
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
