Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
