But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
