Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
