I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
