onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
