I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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