I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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