I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
