the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
