dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
