well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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