Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
