I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize