By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Randomize
