Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
