Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
