I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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