Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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