So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
