It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
