In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
