Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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