Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
How external is "for external use only"?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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