OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
