She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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