sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize