I think im going to throw up on grandma
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
