My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
