TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
