why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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