Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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