Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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