so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
