He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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