respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
