I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
