Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
