Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
