i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Randomize
