did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize