i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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