If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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