his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
