you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
