we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
