The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
