There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
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Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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