I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We don't watch enough power rangers
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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