Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
