I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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