My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
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